


The Three Goat Solution

by Cinaed



Series: The Best of Carolina The Teenage Witch [10]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sabrina the Teenage Witch Fusion, Friendship, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-30 01:04:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18305030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinaed/pseuds/Cinaed
Summary: Season Two kicks off with a bit of silliness compared to the intensity of the season one finale, with pranks, pranks, and more pranks as Carolina, Church, and their friends finish the school year. Meanwhile, Kimball and Grif both get some unexpected guests.





	The Three Goat Solution

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to season two! I hope you enjoy the silliness of this update, and promise that we'll get into plot soon. Carolina just needed a break. 
> 
> Thanks goes out to Aryashi for looking this over for me and making great suggestions, as well as chat for giving me some great pranks to work with.

“We’re going to be late,” Carolina says, standing outside Church’s bedroom.

The door’s wide open. She can see him eating a second helping of breakfast, his feet propped up on his textbooks. He swallows and rolls his eyes at her. “What are they gonna do, fail us for being late the last day of school?” He eyes the textbooks. A wistful look crosses his face. Carolina is confused, since he's constantly grumbling about mortal homework, until he adds, “We should burn these.”

Amusement replaces her confusion. “The school needs them for next year, remember?” She spies something half-hidden under the textbooks. “And don’t forget your yearbook. Caboose is going to cry if he can’t sign it.”

“Yearbooks are dumb,” Church complains. “I barely know most of these people, but it’s like some stupid competition to get the most signatures. Who cares?”

“Well, if it’s a competition, you’re losing,” Carolina says, and grins as he scowls. She doesn’t really care about the yearbook tradition, obviously. But she has signatures from her friends, her teammates, and most of her classmates. That’ll show Tucker, who claimed he could get the most signatures in their grade. She can’t get a straight answer out of anyone if it’s weird or not to get signatures from teachers. She’s curious to see what Mr. Donut or Sarge would write.

Church pops the last piece of a hash-brown in his mouth and mumbles, “Whatever,” around it as he throws his books into his bag. “At least summer means we have time to figure out how to get rid of Felix’s stupid gift.”

Carolina plucks at one of her bag straps, shifting from one foot to the other. “Yeah,” she says, hearing the sour note in her voice. She and Church have thrown a few spells at the knife, but so far it’s remained a knife and also refused to be banished. At least the forced proximity isn’t within five feet like that first day. Now she can keep it in her locker while at school. Thinking of Felix ruins her mood. She frowns. “What do you think they’re doing?” Since leaving Carolina the knife, there’s been no word from Felix or Locus. The only updates Carolina gets is via the witch news channel, which constantly theorizes about the escape and offers breaking news about the Council's ongoing efforts to find them.

“Don’t know, don’t care as long as they stay away,” Church says. He throws his yearbook into his bag and then groans as he hoists it onto his back. “How do mortals survive twelve years of this?”

“First graders probably have less books.”

Church rolls his eyes, but a smile twitches at the corner of his mouth.

The half-smile vanishes like it was never there at the sudden roll of thunder through the house. The sky outside the window is a clear blue, which means it’s the closet announcing visitors from the Other Realm. Church glances at her. His forehead creases. “Was Kimball or Grey expecting company?”

“No,” Carolina says. With an optimism she doesn’t feel, she adds, “Ms. Huggins said she wanted to visit you over the summer. Maybe she just got the days confused?”

Church makes a face. “Maybe.”

They’re halfway down the stairs when they hear an unfamiliar voice say, “Vanessa, the Council is _very_ interested in the current whereabouts of Felix and Locus.”

Carolina freezes, her foot still mid-air, a second before Church’s arm shoots out in front of her. “Back up, back up, back up,” he hisses, his eyes wide behind his glasses, and then scrambles up the steps back to his room.

She follows, her heart pounding unsteadily in her ears. She’s acutely aware of the knife in her backpack and that Church has the world’s worst poker face. If whoever’s downstairs wants to question them, they’re screwed. When she gets into his room, she closes the door and leans against it, like she can keep everyone else out.

“Crap,” Church says. He paces around his room, running his hand through his hair. “We just play dumb, okay? We don’t know anything, we didn’t see anything, we totally hope they catch these guys soon because they sound dangerous.” His voice is a screechy whisper.  

“Okay,” Carolina says. She resists the urge to pace with them, though she takes a few steps away from the door. “Maybe I should do the talking?” She’s not the best liar, she knows, but she’s still better than Church.

“Yeah,” Church says, looking relieved. “The less the Council knows about me, the better.”

Carolina almost asks why. Then she remembers. Yeah, parading Church in front of a Council member who would destroy him and arrest her father if they discovered the truth is probably a very bad idea. She bites her lip. Nerves twist her stomach into a knot. “Right. So, um, should we go downstairs?”

They both jump when someone knocks on the door. “Carolina! James! You’re going to miss the bus,” Grey calls, sounding like her normal self. They both just stare stupidly at the door, long enough for Grey to open it and peer inside. She raises her eyebrows. “We already discussed that you shouldn’t skip school, simply because today’s classes are an exercise in pointlessness. Don’t you want to see your teachers and thank them?”

“Not really,” Church mumbles.

Carolina studies Grey’s expression, but she has the same manic cheer as usual. If she has any feelings, negative or otherwise, about an unexpected visit from a Council person, it doesn’t show. “Um, what about Ms. Kimball?”

“She’s indisposed at the moment, but don’t worry! She’ll be here tonight to celebrate your first year of school.” For a split second Grey’s expression clouds. She glances down at the floor, but just as quickly her smile is back. “As long as she keeps her temper, that is! Now, unless you’d like me to drive you, you’d better hurry.”

“No thank you,” Carolina says hastily. She still hesitates. Even hearing someone mention Felix and Locus leaves her shoulders tight with tension. It seems too easy that she and Church can just walk out the door. “So, um, that guy doesn’t have questions for us?”

Grey looks puzzled. Then she giggles. “Why would he? You certainly don’t know anything about a pair of fugitives!”

Church laughs a little too loudly. There’s a sharp edge in his voice as he says, “Yeah, Carolina. Why would he want to talk to some teenagers who don't know anything? What a dumb question.”

Grey glances between them, and then clearly dismisses Church’s weirdness. “Have a good day, you two. I should check in on Vanessa before she loses her temper and gets her mouth taken away for insubordination.”

Carolina, who’s started to inch towards the door, pauses. “Is that a weird metaphor?”

“No,” Church says flatly. “It’d only be for a day, so she won’t starve, but it’s gross.” He grabs Carolina by the arm and hustles her out into the hallway and down the stairs to the front door. She gets a brief look at Kimball, her expression hard and her arms crossed against her chest, before Church drags her outside into the warm June air.

 

* * *

 

It turns out another tradition at school is playing pranks on the teachers, which Carolina doesn’t know about until the bus pulls up to Westbridge and she hears Sarge howling with rage. She can’t see him, but he’s yelling something about his truck, a rusty, formerly red pickup that has seen better days, and how he’s going to find those rascals and get his revenge.

“Someone stole it out of his driveway yesterday and put it in the cafeteria,” Wash says when she asks what the shouting is about. “Last year we had a five-day prank war, but Principal Larue and Mr. Kraft threatened everyone, so instead all the pranks are happening today.”

“Pranks? As in there’s more?”

“Oh yeah,” Wash says, looking so pleased that she realizes he has to have been in on at least one of them. He glances at her, and then grimaces. “Oh, uh. I guess we should’ve asked if you wanted to help? Pranks just didn’t seem like your thing….”

“No, I’m good,” Carolina assures him, amused by the offer. It might’ve been a nice distraction from the Felix and witch stuff in general, but she’s had enough trouble in the last few weeks. She probably shouldn’t risk being expelled on top of being turned into a witch familiar. Curiosity pricks at her. “What are the other pranks?”

“They’re dumb,” Connie says, rolling her eyes.

“They’re great!” Niner argues. She grins. “So there’s the car thing, right? But Reggie has a friend of a friend who has goats, so there may or may not be three goats roaming Westbridge right now.”

Connie shakes her head. “With the numbers 1, 2, and 5 on them.”

“Evil, but genius,” Wash says.

Carolina swallows down a laugh. “I think you guys have too much free time on your hands.”

“Probably,” Wash agrees.

Connie says, “It’s dumb, and I hope Sarge figures out who messed with his truck. Come on, Carolina, let me tell you about my favorite tradition. It’s where all the teachers give up.”

“Except for Sarge,” Tucker complains, overhearing them. “I can’t believe we’re playing dodgeball on the last day of school.”

Wash’s muttered, “Why do you think it’s Sarge’s truck and not Mr. Kraft’s car this year?” is half-lost under Caboose’s excited, “Oh, are we playing dodgeball? I love that game!”

“I’m on your team, Caboose,” Church says. When Carolina looks at him in surprise, he makes a face and whispers to her, “If I’m on his team, I’ve got a fifty-fifty shot of not getting a broken nose.”

“Only fifty-fifty?”

Church just looks long-suffering.

Caboose beams at Church. Excitement makes him vibrate in place. If he was a dog, he’d be wagging his tail. Thinking of dogs makes Carolina think of cats, and then Grif, and she’s almost too distracted to hear Caboose ask, “Church! Did you remember your yearbook?”

“Uh, yeah--” Church squawks as Caboose yanks at his backpack and begins rummaging inside. “Personal space, Caboose! Personal space!”

“Sorry,” Caboose says, the yearbook clutched to his chest. His eyes widen. Some of the excited energy fades, replaced by a worried look. “What should I write? It has to be the best for my very best friend.”

“Rude,” says Tucker. When Caboose keeps frowning, he rolls his eyes. “Just say that girly crap you always do. Church, you’re my very best friend and I want to have your babies, and….” He trails off as Connie, Carolina, and Niner glare at him. He throws up his hands. “What? You've heard him! Uh. Just write what’s in your heart or whatever, Caboose. Church will like it no matter what.” The look he gives Church suggests that he better agree.

“Uh huh. I'll love it,” Church says flatly.

Caboose immediately brightens. “Okay!” He pulls out a bright blue marker, opens up the book, and immediately starts scribbling, his face scrunched up in thought. Carolina’s pretty sure he’s using the entire first page for his message.

Niner leans towards Carolina. “So Tucker's getting pranked, right?”

“Definitely,” Carolina agrees, though she has no idea how to accomplish it. The American movies she’s seen generally take the prank too far or are awful and mean-spirited.

Judging by the gleam in Connie’s eyes, though, she might have a good one. It's confirmed by the way Connie whispers to Wash, “Think Maine has some shaving cream?”

 

* * *

 

“Well, I think we have a minute left, so I just wanted to say that I hope everyone learned something this year,” Simmons says. “Thanks for not taking _complete_ advantage of me for being a first-year teacher.” Here he pauses and gives the room a look, earning a few scattered laughs, especially from the class troublemakers. “And don’t forget to take some candy with you.”

“Can I get a whole bag?” Church asks, already reaching for one, and then glares as South leans over and snatches it out of his grasp. “Hey!”

South smirks at him. “You snooze, you lose.”

While they’re distracted, Carolina slips some candy into her bag for Kimball, who has a sweet tooth. Unlike Donut, who played Wishbone episodes and bid them all a tearful goodbye and made everyone promise to enjoy their summer, Simmons surprised them all with a bunch of different types of candy. He also threw in one last chemistry lesson, taking about the science of candy-making and showing a video, but it was halfhearted at best, and he didn’t scold anyone for pulling out their yearbooks to get some last-minute signatures.

The bell rings, and in the clamor of everyone grabbing their bags and fighting over the remaining candy, Carolina almost misses Simmons saying, “Carolina, would you mind staying after class for a second?”

“Um, sure,” Carolina says, keeping the surprise out of her voice. Her stomach gives a nervous flutter. Simmons hasn’t really said anything to her or Church since that night, even if she’s noticed him giving them both the occasional long stare -- or getting into a glaring contest with Church, who hasn’t used any magic in the classroom since the fire incident but is still clearly weirded out by the whole ‘mortal doing magic’ thing.

As she thinks this, Church says, “I’ll stay too.”

Simmons’ expression doesn’t change, but Carolina thinks there’s a flicker of irritation in his eyes. “Great.”

The rest of the class files out, still arguing over candy. When the last of them is gone, Simmons fiddles with his glasses and then stops. He frowns, glancing worriedly between them. “So. Uh. Has there been any, um, news, about...you know who?”

“If you mean have they been caught, no,” Church says flatly.

Simmons grimaces. “Oh. Do you--”

“We don’t know anything,” Church says.

“Okay, I just.” Simmons flounders, glancing between them again. He looks flustered and anxious. “We don’t exactly get the Witch News Channel, so Grif and I are pretty out of the loop. I just thought maybe, uh. It might be a good idea to keep in touch over the summer.”

“That sounds like a stupid idea,” Church says. There's an edge to his voice that Carolina hasn't heard since that night. 

Simmons flushes a bright red. “More stupid than leaving me in the dark?” he snaps. “I’m not asking you for spell ingredients, just some information so I don’t have to spend my entire summer worrying about murderers.” He whispers the last sentence, darting a nervous glance towards the closed door. 

Church’s eyes narrow to slits. Carolina nudges him with her elbow, shooting him a look before he can say anything he’ll regret. “Church, he has a point. We could at least tell him if Felix and Locus are spotted nearby or get arrested.” To Simmons, she adds, “The Council is hunting them down, but they’re still at large. Last time they were seen was in the Other Realm.”

There’s more she could add, like the fact that Felix visited her, or the presence of the knife in her bag, or the fact that Felix and Locus clearly have plans since the last sighting was their robbery of a magical item store. She trusts Mr. Simmons, or at least trusts that he wants to learn magic and is terrified of Felix and Locus. She doesn’t trust Grif. He’s already admitted to helping Locus once. What’s to stop him from helping them again? And the way he casually brought up blackmail like of course someone was going to try it was weird.  

“Well, good,” Simmons says. He makes a face. “I mean, not good that they’re still at large, but good that they’re in the Other Realm and not hanging around here. You know what I mean. Hopefully they’ll be caught soon.”

Carolina nods, and then hesitates. She can feel Church’s tension, but curiosity makes her ask, “Have you...have you done any more magic?”

Simmons’ shoulders slump. “No. I did a small spell when I first, uh, got my copy of the book, and then the teleportation one, but nothing else works.” Frustration creeps into his expression and his voice. “I don’t know what made the difference. There’s so many variables, and I don’t have access to--” He stops, his eyes darting to the door again as it opens.

Wash sticks his head inside. “Uh, Mr. Simmons, are you giving Church and Carolina hall passes? Because they’re gonna be late. ….And me.”

“Um, right!” Simmons looks flustered. He scribbles something on a piece of paper and thrusts it at Carolina. “Um, so call me if you guys can cat-sit.”

“Cat-sit?” Wash echoes. His mouth falls open and then snaps shut. His cheek twitches, and then he says through what sounds like gritted teeth, “Uh, Mr. Simmons, maybe you should ask someone with actual experience with cats.”

Carolina sees the second Simmons remembers that Wash’s mom works at the local animal shelter and that Wash has three cats. “Right,” he says weakly. “Actually, Wash, give me a call too if you’re not too busy this summer. I have, er, a family reunion I have to go to, so I might need a cat-sitter then. And--”

The bell rings above them. Simmons winces. “And let me write you all some hall passes.”  

 

* * *

 

Maine does have shaving cream. When she explains why she needs it, a slow grin lights up his face, and he gestures a few people over. It turns out that a lot of guys keep shaving cream in their lockers, even though most of them have zero facial hair, and Carolina soon finds herself with so many cans that she can’t zip her backpack all the way shut.

Mr. Kraft gives her a suspicious look, eyeing the bulging backpack. She’s scrambling for an excuse when a goat barrels around the corner. The animal headbutts him in the legs. His knees buckle and he goes down like a log. Half of the kids in the hallway cheer; the other half laugh. A cheerleader tries to help him up and then shrieks and jumps backwards as the goat bleats at her. The goat has a collar with the number 9 pinned to it.

Carolina takes advantage of the confusion to sneak past him.

“Okay, next year you’re helping with all the pranks,” Wash says, blinking at the number of shaving cream cans she pulls out of her backpack and hands off to Connie and Niner. He looks impressed. “I’ll just go keep watch.”

“How do you know Tucker’s locker combination again?” Carolina asks as Niner breaks into the locker.

“Caboose couldn’t remember his combination, so they made up a song to remember his combination, and Tucker’s,” Niner says. “The stupid jingle was stuck in my head for _weeks_. Sometimes I still catch myself humming it in the shower.” she opens the locker with a flourish. It’s mostly cleaned out in anticipation of summer, but there’s still his wallet, a random basketball, some magazines that Carolina doesn’t look too closely at, and then a pin-up of some video game character who’s half-naked.

“Ugh, of course he has that photo of Lara Croft,” Connie says, spying it. She shakes the shaving cream and gleefully sprays it right on the picture.

“Hey, I thought we agreed no destroying stuff,” Wash says.

“Trust me, he’ll find another copy,” Connie says, but she relents and takes the magazines out, which turn out to be dedicated to video games. 

Carolina shakes a can and sprays the nozzle, coating the basketball until it’s covered in white foam. Despite her nerves about the Council person questioning Kimball, despite her concerns about Felix and Locus, despite her still missing her mom, she finds herself grinning.

A goat bleats unhappily behind her, and Wash offers a belated, “Uh, Mr. Pool at your five o’clock.”

Carolina turns. Mr. Pool is standing there, a goat tucked under his arm. The goat lets out another frustrated bleat and then chews at the hem of Pool’s shirt. “Um,” she says, resisting the urge to hide the can behind her back.

Mr. Pool stares at them. There’s no expression on his face, not even in his eyes. After a long pause, he closes his eyes, gives a little shake of his head, and then shoves the goat’s mouth away from his shirt and walks past the group without a word.

“Nice job on lookout,” Niner says sarcastically.  

“In my defense, he moves really fast and has quiet shoes!”

“Uh huh.”

“He does!”

As Wash and Niner argue, Carolina spies another familiar face. “Mr. Donut is coming,” she says, and Connie shuts the locker door as everyone stuffs the cans back into Carolina’s backpack.

Donut offers them all a cheerful wave. He’s clearly already in summer mode. Sunglasses are perched on his head, even though there’s still two periods left in the day. “Have a fabulous summer!”

“Thanks, Mr. Donut,” Niner says with a guileless smile. As soon as he rounds the corner, she unlocks Tucker’s locker again. “Come on, we’ve got like two more minutes before the next class. Let’s get as much shaving cream in there as possible.”

“Right,” Carolina says, smiling again, and grabs two cans.

 

* * *

 

“You guys suck,” Tucker says. There’s shaving cream in his hair. Carolina has a silent bet going with herself on how long it’ll take for him to notice. Right now he’s busy scowling at Church, who for some reason he’s decided was the mastermind behind the prank. Connie keeps grinning behind his back, but he's oblivious. 

That's probably because Church keeps smirking, she thinks, as Church says, all mock-sympathy, “Oh no, your poor basketball.”

“Shut up. Where did you even get all the shaving cream? My locker smells like lemon and sandalwood! It’s gross! And the janitor made me clean it up. My last study hall of the semester and I didn’t get to sleep for it…. It sucked!”

Niner slaps him on the back. “Don’t worry. The smell should be gone by September.”   

Tucker groans.

Niner leaves him to his suffering, slinging her arm across Wash’s shoulders with a grin. “Can’t believe it’s finally summer. You’re all coming over this weekend to celebrate, right? My mom’s making tacos.”

Wash pushes her away with a roll of his eyes. “You mean, are we hanging out before you go to soccer camp and Connie abandons us for her boyfriend? Yeah, we’ll be there.” His expression changes. His cheek twitches again, and he scratches at the side of his neck, muttering, “And before Carolina and Church apparently become Mr. Simmons’ official cat-sitters, I guess.”

He’s annoyed, Carolina realizes, or maybe even a little hurt that Simmons asked her and not him. She’s not sure whether to laugh over the ridiculousness of the situation or try to distract him. Could Grif even keep his mouth shut around Wash? What happens if a witch familiar talks to a mortal? Probably nothing good, she decides. She'll have to stick with the lie, even if it potentially hurts Wash's feelings. 

Niner snorts. “Seriously? Them? No offense, guys, but come on. Did Carolina even meet a cat before she moved here?”

“Uh, they have cats everywhere,” Carolina says.

“Uh huh, and did you cat-sit any of them? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Wash, just take them to the animal shelter for a couple days and they’ll be begging you to cat-sit Mr. Simmons’ fat cat.”

“I could take care of a cat!” Carolina protests, indignant that Niner thinks she’ll back away from a challenge. Even as the words leave her mouth, she wonders what she’s doing. She and Church are never going to cat-sit Grif. It was clearly the only excuse Simmons could come up with to give them his number without looking like a creepy adult. She shakes her head. “But if Mr. Simmons asks, I’ll send him your way.”

“Yeah, Wash. Cat-sit Grif and tell us all about it,” Church says.

“Okay,” Wash says, and then notices the slight smirk on Church’s face. His eyes narrow. “What?”

“Nothing,” Church says, smirking even more. “He’s just a weird cat.”

“All cats are weird,” Wash says. “That’s what’s great about them.”

“Seriously, my wallet smells like oranges and menthol!” Tucker complains. “I hate all of you!”

Caboose blinks. “All of us?”

Tucker squints at him as Caboose stares back. “You know what? You definitely weren’t a part of this crap, so for once you’re okay, Caboose. I take it back. I hate everyone here except Caboose.”

Caboose pats Church’s shoulder, hard enough that Church staggers. He says in an encouraging tone, oblivious to Church’s glare, “Don’t worry, Church! Tucker always used to say he hated me, and now I am his best friend!”

Church rubs his shoulder. “Yeah, I wasn’t worried.”

“Wait,” Tucker says slowly. “Let me get this straight. Caboose is my best friend, but Church is Caboose’s best friend? What, am I the second best friend?”

“Oh Tucker, that’s not real. You’re nobody’s best friend,” Niner says.

“I think I hate you the most,” Tucker says, and she grins.

 

* * *

 

“So, are we going to have Council stooges hanging around all summer? Because if we are, I’m spending my vacation at Tucker and Caboose’s,” Church says.

Carolina’s pretty sure he’s waited for the exact moment that she, Grey, and Kimball had mouthfuls of food, because they all choke and cough. She grabs her drink, making a face in Church’s direction. He doesn’t even look at her, his eyes focused on Kimball.

Kimball clears her throat. Her expression settles into hard lines, and Carolina is reminded of that morning. After a second, she visibly forces herself to relax. There’s still an edge to her voice when she answers him. “No.”

“No,” Church says after a beat of silence. “Mind elaborating?”

Kimball’s lips thin. “No, I don’t think he’ll be back. The Council was making inquiries about-- about the fugitives. So unless you saw Felix or Locus walking down the street today, there’s no reason for anyone from the Council to return.”

“They’re asking every witch individually?” Carolina asks, puzzled.

Kimball exchanges a long look with Grey that makes Carolina want to bristle. She doesn’t have any right to be angry that they’re keeping secrets, not when she and Church are keeping so many of their own, but for a second she grits her teeth in frustration. Kimball says carefully, “A century or two before they started killing people, Felix and Locus and one of their friends used to host meetings. I went to a few.”

“Unfortunately for Vanessa, the Council has a _very_ long memory,” Grey says.  

“So the Council questioned you because you went to meetings a hundred years before they killed that Council member and his son?” Church says, and then snorts. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. Of course they would.”

“One thing you have to learn as a witch. Choose your friends wisely,” Kimball says, dryly. She sighs, fiddling with her spoon. “You two don’t have anything to worry about. If the Council has more questions, they’ll talk to me or Grey.” She smiles suddenly, sudden morbid humor in her face. “Grey will tattle if I’ve been having Felix over for lunch.”

“What were the meetings about?” Church asks.

The amusement’s gone as quickly as it came. Kimball exchanges another look with Grey, who laughs brightly and says, “Oh, politics. Now, since you mentioned vacation, I think we should discuss our summer plans. Kimball and I are both working, but we want you both to have fun and experiment a little more with your magic.”

The attempt to change the topic is as subtle as a brick. Carolina frowns. “What kind of politics?”

Grey giggles again. “You can’t vote until you’re eighteen, Carolina, so it’s a little early to concern yourself over that! Besides, we really do need to focus on your studies. You’re doing well, of course, but I’d like to see you both excel.” She taps her finger against her lips and hums thoughtfully. “Perhaps we’ve been neglecting certain areas of being a witch. We could go on a few trips! Visit Europa! Oh, or Mars!”

Carolina’s heart stops. She can hear Felix's voice in her ears, recommending Mars. She takes a quick gulp of her water, but she feels the glass tremble in her hand. “Europa sounds fun,” she says, forcing a smile.

It becomes less forced when Church groans loudly and says, “I don’t want to visit Huggins.”

“James, don’t talk about your fake mother that way,” Grey scolds, her smile at odds with her words. “It’s disrespectful.” Her smile widens. “Oh, that reminds me that I haven’t sent her a letter about your grades!”

“Ugh,” Church says, groaning again. A flush creeps into his face. He slouches in his seat, practically sliding off the chair. “Like the fridge wasn’t bad enough.”

Carolina glances towards the fridge, where their report cards are pinned up. She’s embarrassed by the gesture too, even if she’s proud of her straight As, but Grey insisted on showing off the grades, ignoring Kimball’s amused remarks that mortals only do this tradition when their children are eight or younger.  

“Even with magic, travel’s expensive, so we can’t go all over the galaxy, but I think we can afford a few trips this summer,” Kimball says. Most of the tension has left her face, and she smiles as she adds, “I think Europa is a great idea. Carolina’s never been off-planet before, and--”

Church groans even louder. “You’re all awful people,” he complains. Then he looks thoughtful. “Can I use the five-feet spell--”

“No,” Kimball and Grey say at the same time.

He goes back to scowling. “This summer is gonna suck.”

Carolina puts on a mock-sympathetic face. “Oh no, Church. You’re going to have like five days where you’re not hanging out with Tucker and Caboose, eating junk food and playing video games. Seriously, what a terrible summer.” She somehow manages to keep her voice light, even as the idea of summer without her mom and with Felix and Locus on the loose makes her stomach twist.

Grey smiles at her. “Carolina, Vanessa and I think you understand the foundation of spellwork now, but we want you to move beyond basic spells this summer. Not that I don’t love seeing what new outfit you’ve made with your magic, but you have to try new things! You’ll never do complicated spells if you don’t push yourself.”  

“Right, complicated spells,” Church says, laughing uncomfortably. “Who wants to do those?”

He really is a terrible liar. Quickly Carolina says, “So I can learn to seal my spells now?”

Grey giggles. “What do you mean, learn how to seal your spells? Vanessa showed you how to do that months ago!”

“No I didn’t,” Kimball says. “I thought you did.”

The two women stare at each other. The silence is broken by Church snickering. He claps, slow and sarcastic, and grins at Grey and Kimball. “Great job. You’re talking about the foundation of magic, and how she understands it, but you guys didn’t bother teaching her something that seven-year-old witches can do. Just a totally amazing job.”

“Believe me, seven-year-old witches shouldn’t be taught how to seal their spells,” Kimball says. Her expression gets that same distant look that Mr. Pool’s had as he carried the goat away, and she adds, “Honestly, most teenagers shouldn’t know how to do it either. They make too many mistakes. I could sit here for a year telling you stories about impulse magic and regrets.”

“Just a year?” Grey says, and Kimball laughs ruefully.

Carolina doesn’t let herself think about the botched spell, how easily Felix and Locus had taken it and twisted it for their own advantage. She glances at Church, and sees the strain in his expression. He’s about to crack and say something stupid. “You’re probably right,” she says. “I mean, look what happened at school today. All those pranks, and that’s without any spells.”

“Right?” Church says a little too loudly. He shakes his head. “Mortal ingenuity! I don’t know how they do it.” His irritation seems genuine as he adds, “And no one would tell me how they got Sarge’s truck into the cafeteria. Kept joking that it was magic, when clearly none of them are witches, just jerks.”

Kimball blinks. She refocuses on Carolina and Church, curiosity chasing away the distance. “Wait, what happened at school? I didn’t receive an angry phone call, so I’m assuming you two weren’t involved, but….”

Church smirks. “We’re smart enough not to prank the teachers. The rest of our class, not so much. Do you want the truck, the locker, or the goats story first?”

Kimball and Grey exchange another look, this one much different than the previous ones. The corner of Kimball’s mouth twitches. “Definitely the goats.”

 

* * *

 

“Tomorrow, we’ll teach you how to seal your spells,” Kimball says as Carolina gets up from the table. She smiles, rueful again. “Sometimes I forget that this is all still new to you. By the time I meet most of my half-mortal students as a Quizmaster, they’ve had that whole year to adjust to being a witch.”

“Okay,” Carolina says. She thinks of the knife, hidden away in a drawer in her room. “So, sealing magic. No one can break your spell, ever? That seems dangerous.”

“Well, no, not ever. Think of sealing your spell as an extra boost and layer of protection. So for someone to break it, they need even more willpower and determination to undo the spell as you used to make it. So much of spellwork is powered by sheer stubbornness and emotion.”

“Uh huh,” Carolina says. She fights against a frown. There’s no way that she wants the knife gone less than Felix wants it here with her.

“And there’s also experience and power behind the seal. You’re too young, you won’t break a Council member’s spell, or one of mine or Grey’s, but the Council can work together to break nearly any spell.” The rueful look deepens. “And the reason we know that is because half of the cases brought before the Council is because some teenager or child has used their magic and refuses or doesn’t know how to fix whatever they did. If I had my way, no one would be able to seal their spells until they’ve earned their license, but--”  

Kimball pauses and then shrugs. “Not my call to make.”

“Is that something you talked about at those meetings?” Carolina asks.

She knows it’s a mistake the second the question is out of her mouth, because Kimball’s expression shutters. “Like Grey said, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t worry about until you’re a licensed witch and can vote. Otherwise it’s just an exercise in frustration.” She smiles and pats Carolina’s arm, just the briefest of touches before her hand drops back to her side. “Goodnight, Carolina. Congratulations on finishing your first year of high school.”

“Goodnight,” Carolina says. When she gets upstairs, Church is waiting for her, his arms folded against his chest and an unreadable look on his face. “What?” she asks, trepidation catching her by the throat.

“So.” Church drags out the word. “I had a thought. We probably should’ve given Simmons a head’s up that Council jerks were in Westbridge. I mean, if they’re talking to Kimball who spent like twenty minutes with Felix and Locus a hundred years ago, they’re definitely going to talk to Grif.”

Carolina blinks. Trepidation turns into a sinking feeling as she thinks about what the Council will do if they burst in on Simmons trying to do magic. “Oh. Yeah. I have his phone number in my bag. We could call?”

“Eh, they’ve probably already visited him first. Besides, Kimball and Grey would want to know why we’re calling our former chemistry teacher.”

“I mean, I think Mr. Simmons would’ve mentioned it if someone from the Council visited,” Carolina says, hunting for the piece of paper. Somehow it’s ended up crumpled at the very bottom of her bag. “And we’ll just go with the cat-sitting thing.”

“Yeah, that lie’s going to hold up for five minutes,” Church mutters, but he follows her back downstairs anyway.

Grey and Kimball are watching the news in the living room. The volume’s turned down, but with the door to the kitchen and dining area slightly ajar, Carolina can still hear the too-cheerful reporter as he says, “This is Jax Jonez, reporting to you live from the Council Room. I have with me today Council member Drell. Sir, what would you like to say in response to recent sightings of Felix and Locus in Paris?”

“I SAY THAT EVERYONE SHOULD REMAIN CALM,” bellows Drell. “WE’LL GET THESE MONSTERS, AND ANYONE WHO THINKS WE’RE TAKING TOO LONG IS WELCOME TO COME VISIT ME. I HAVE A COUPLE AQUARIUMS THAT NEED FILLING.”

“Uh,” says Jones, slightly less chipper. “So, I think it’s safe to say that the Council is well-aware of these sightings and is working hard to recapture the fugitives?”

As Drell shouts again, Carolina takes the opportunity to call Simmons. She gets his answering machine. Darting a nervous glance at Church and then another one towards the kitchen door, she says quickly, “Hi, Mr. Simmons. It’s me. Um, we’re still thinking about the cat-sitting offer, but we forgot to tell you that Grif might get a visitor soon. You might want to clean up, just in case. Have a good night!”

She hangs up. Church is giving her a look. “Shut up,” she says.  

Church grins. “I didn’t say anything. But maybe you should be a spy. That was a super sneaky code, impossible to break. No one will ever figure out what you meant, maybe not even Simmons.”

“Shut up,” she repeats, but she smiles a little. Well, at least she’s hopefully given Simmons and Grif some warning. Besides, it’s not like Simmons would keep his stolen spellbook copy out in the open of his apartment, right? Right.

 

* * *

 

**Three Hours Earlier**

“So how long are you going to sulk over this?” Grif asks, watching Simmons scowl at his experiment notes. “Just asking if I need to, like, order myself pizza for tonight while you pout or what.”

“I’m not pouting!” Simmons snaps. “I just didn’t think it was too much to ask them to let us know if Felix and Locus get caught or not!”

Grif snorts. “Yeah, _that’s_ why you’re sulking, and not because they still won’t give you magical ingredients.”

Simmons huffs, his face breaking out into angry pink splotches. “That’s not why I’m mad,” he says. He’s clearly lying, because a second later he drops his notebook with a clatter on the coffee table and complains, “How can I figure out a way to consistently do magic if I don’t have access to every possible resource? Maybe there was an ingredient in their spell that made the difference, or maybe I have to--”

Grif gives a slow, deliberate yawn, and Simmons breaks off from muttering to huff again. Grif yawns one more time to make his point. “Well, they’re not helping. Besides, teenagers can’t get the good stuff.” He blinks as the doorbell rings. “Did I order pizza and forget?” he asks as Simmons hastily stuffs the notebook under the couch cushion and heads to the door.  

“Oh, crap,” Simmons says, peering through the peephole. The angry flush goes from his face, replaced by a panicky pallor. His voice cracks as he adds, “Uh, you did say the Council was probably going to visit, right? Because they’re visiting.”

The doorbell rings again, managing to somehow sound impatient.

Grif’s hair bristles. He tries not to get nervous. He reminds himself that they pulled this off last time. Just because now they have way more to hide doesn't mean they'll screw this up. He licks the tip of his nose. “Just play dumb, you were good at it last time,” he says, and then puts on his best guileless expression as Simmons gives a jerky nod, opens the door, and says with a brittle cheer, “Hello! Another cat inspection?”  

**Author's Note:**

> **Dishonorable Mention**
> 
> 2x03 - A Not-So-Purrfect Experience - The one where Wash, Carolina, and Church spend the day volunteering at Mrs. Washington’s animal shelter. The best thing about this episode are the cute animals. Unfortunately, there’s the rest of the episode, which ends up being some writer’s soapbox about how people should get their pets from animal shelters and not breeders. We definitely agree, but the whole episode felt ham-fisted and preachy. It’s also a good example of Season Two’s struggles to figure out what to do with Carolina now that she’s temporarily given up on contacting her mom.


End file.
